i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
