Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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