Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
