she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize