I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
