My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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