i think i have two assholes
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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