I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
