Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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