Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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