Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
