Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
