nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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