When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
