So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
