I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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