I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Holy shit dude........stairs
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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