yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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