you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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