Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Is it because I queefed?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
