If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
