I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
