You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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