I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
