We won't sleep together?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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