I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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