my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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