on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
