Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
