if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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