Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
