At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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