i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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