a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
