Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
