My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
someone owes me an orgasm
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
