And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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