i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
