just tell him i said nine months
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
