Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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