You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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