Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
