Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
