We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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