he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
