Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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