he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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