I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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