Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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