dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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