The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
