Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
