Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
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We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
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I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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