So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
