come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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