meet me or not, i'm out of control
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
