drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
