So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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