Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
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He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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