dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I think your dad took our porno
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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